Melissa Barker-Simpson

Kenneth my ‘new’ classic car, rode like the wind; gusted, stalled, wafted, flurried, but was a genuine Zephyr: Kitted out like a Knight-rider, on his way to an all-knight-Diner. To say he was two tyred would only be half as tired as he felt.

I’d bought Kenneth from Nigel, an impoverished virgin Vampyr, who couldn’t cut the mustard; he just wasn’t seasoned enough. He’d been a dentist who always looked down in the mouth. A caretaker of unusual teeth; The tooth fairy and friends, pixies, ogres and beings with low elf-esteem.

I happened upon him stalking a chicken crossing the road (by gerbiling inside a monowheel). Nigel called it poultry in motion. Looked more like Hamster wheel globetrotting to Hamsterdam. The chicken rolled in the mud and crossed the road again. I knew she was a dirty double-crosser!

Whoever heard of a pennyless vampire? Nigel was so poor he couldn’t even pay attention…