Making up for lost time – WIPpet Wednesday

I missed WIPpet Wednesday last week. I’d intended to take part, but time got the better of me and my post sits half finished among a dozen other drafts!

There was the tour, which is part of the reason, but I also stretched myself too thin and suffered a burn out at the weekend. I didn’t even do any writing, or nothing productive anyway.

I have two WIP’s on the go. In my previous posts I’ve shared with you a character from a Fantasy novella I’m writing. The first draft of which is almost complete. Today though, I’m going to share a scene from Outlanders, the first in my Worlds Apart series. It’s a science fiction novel and one I’ve had a few problems with of late. I’ll be sending it to Beta Readers next week, but I still don’t feel quite ready. I originally wrote it in third person and due to feedback changed it to a first person POV. Whether it works better, I’m not sure, but I guess I’ll find out!

To give you a little background, the character in this scene, Keith Delaney is a law officer. He has the ability to shift between worlds, and he is about to go on the hunt for a criminal with his partner. I remembered the math too – here’s how I got to the magic number: 10×9=90 x2 =180 +14 =194.


In reality the shift takes twelve seconds, give or take. But time has a funny way of altering our perceptions. It feels like a lifetime when all your senses are heightened and you feel a rush, deep within the blood. It can be as addictive as a drug.

Anticipation flowed through my body as I prepared myself for the shift. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the image in my head, locking onto our location with a single minded focus. I always travel that way, though I know my partner steps into the shift with his eyes wide open. It causes a sensory overload, not an unpleasant feeling, but the overstimulation can be distracting.

Nathaniel enjoys to point out that I’m a control freak, and do everything on my own terms, even the shift. Maybe he’s right.

I sensed him beside me, and smiled without looking at him. “Let’s fly,” I said, feeling my cells burst to life. I welcomed the hum in my blood, felt the drag as Nathaniel calls it; the feeling of being pulled at an exponential rate towards a single point.

The picture in my head never wavered.


Thanks for reading. I’ll have more details on Outlanders in a future post.


Thanks to K. L. Schwengel for the opportunity to take part in WIPpet Wednesday. Click the link to find out more.



Another exciting project! 🙂 I’ve finally started reading Hands of Evil as well; loving it so far 🙂

    It’s the same one that’s been driving me completely mad! I changed the title though, the Worlds Apart (original) is now the series title, so it will be Outlanders if I ever get it finished! I’m supposed to be publishing it in November. I think it’s the personal element that’s messing with me, because it’s for my dad and I want it to be perfect. It never will be, but I want it to be worthy of him in any case.

    I’m glad you’re enjoying Hand of Evil. It makes up for all the stuff you’ve had to read about it! 😉

    Thanks for commenting.

I like how you describe the shift, and how there are different reactions to it. That really starts to build up the characters and what they’re like.

I have to laugh at your character’s need to control even events that should be exciting. I don’t know anyone like that. Nope. Nope, I don’t.

So, is this is a good kind of addicted? Or is this going to come into play later as a negative thing?

Oh, wow! That’s really vivid how you describe the shift. I can only imagine how that much sensory input at once must feel. And even in that short bit, we can tell a lot about these two characters and how they relate to each other.

Your POV works perfect here, Mel. I’m excited about reading more.

I love the description of the shift. It sounds like it could be a lot of fun but the mention of concentrating suggests that it could go horribly wrong. I’m looking forward to reading more.

Oooh sci-fi. It sounds imaginative, not old-school. I like it a lot. Sci-fi is prolly the most problematic genre I’ve written in yet (there are plenty I haven’t, I’m sure), so I can understand the headache – even if it’s not related. :]

Oooh – I especially like the description “feeling my cells burst to life.” Most excellent! The narrative voice is really strong here – I definitely wouldn’t have known that you changed it from 3rd person if you hadn’t told me. I have a soft spot for 1st person because you can really flesh out the character from the inside out.

I’ve started experimenting with first person over the last year or so, and I love it. This feels right for that POV. And I’m with everyone else- the time-shifting description makes it vivid and believable, and I like that both men approach it differently, and according to their natures.

I’m ready for more, please! =)

I loved this. Very vivid and well drawn. One little nit is “Nathaniel enjoys to point out” That feels weird to me. Perhaps “Nathaniel enjoys pointing out”

If I were standing in a library or bookstore, and read this snippet from somewhere in the middle, I’d want to read more.Keith’s voice invites me right into the story, I’m ready to suspend belief in the natural order and shift. Do you worry that OUTLANDERS is too close of a title to the wildly popular OUTLANDER? That series title WORLDS APART works well. Keep writing!

    I do worry about that. Keith is part of a group labelled the Outlanders because their originating world is in question. I was going to call it IDOLS (inter-dimensional officers of the law) but I can work on it a little more. It is an iconic title (Outlander) and would give people the wrong perhaps. I will give it some thought. Thank you so much for the feedback 🙂 I’m so glad you liked Keith’s voice.

All right, fanfiction!! Yay! Although I don’t know what you had as 3rd person POV, I think 1st POV is a good switch. This piece highlights the strength you have to allow the reader to feel and imagine what the character is going through more strongly. I enjoyed your descriptive voice of how Keith prefers to shift in comparison to his friend/partner, and from the other comments, you can see we all really enjoyed placing ourselves into Keith’s perspective.

One piece of feedback. With your comparison of how shifting ‘feels as addictive as a drug’, I would suggest adding or changing it to something like “I craved the high it produced from within, a sensation better than drugs could induce.” It’s stronger phrasing that paints a more specific picture 🙂 When you said drug, I imagined a high is what you might have been picturing when writing the comparison.

    That sounds better. Thanks for the suggestion – I’ll work with it 🙂 I was a little confused about the fanfiction reference though – maybe I should change the name of the book. I’m beginning to think Outlanders isn’t the best choice. I really appreciate the feedback. Thanks so much 🙂

I'd love to hear from you.

Name and email address are required. Your email address will not be published.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

You may use these HTML tags and attributes:

<a href="" title="" rel=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <pre> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong> 


A land of ineptitude.


A directory of wonderful things


« me arrodillo por las noches ante tigres que no me dejarán ser - lo que fuiste no será otra vez - los tigres me han encontrado pero no me importa. »

The Darkest Tunnel

Find yourself in the Chaos


A blog about writing, society, and life itself

tonysbologna : Honest. Satirical. Observations.

Honest. Satirical. Observations.

Carrot Ranch Literary Community

Wrangling literary arts for writers: words for people!


Real. Happy. Foodie.

The Little Mermaid


Planet Pailly

Where Science Meets Fiction

at Milliways with a pen

the writer's desk at the end of the universe

The Lonely Author

Hoping to inspire the world one word at a time.

The Opinionated Reader

''Some are born to sweet delight, some are born to endless night.''

Iain Kelly

Fiction Writing

The Writer Next Door|Vashti Q

Vashti Quiroz-Vega, Author, Horror, Fantasy, Sci-fi, Suspense/Thriller Short Stories & Articles

Jane Dougherty Writes

About fantastical places and other stuff

Julie Powell - Photographer & Graphic Artist

Creating & Capturing Life's Precious Moments

Author Don Massenzio

Independent Authors Unite!

Melissa Barker-Simpson

Multigenre Romance Author

Journey To Ambeth

by Helen Jones

Rachael Ritchey

Worlds of Fiction

Dr Gulara Vincent

Re-write your inner story to (re)launch your writing career

s o F a r S o S t u

Working It Out

Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha

Musings and books from a grunty overthinker

Robin Gott

Artist, Actor och occasional blogger


Vague Meanderings of the Broke and Obscure

But I Smile Anyway...

Musings and memories, words and wisdom... of a working family woman


Writing, the Universe and whatever occurs to me

Sincerely Kate

The Obsessive Blog of a Compulsive Pen Pal

Steve McSteveface

"just a guy, writing stuff on a blog - hoping that people will read it"

Judith Barrow

Writer & Author

%d bloggers like this: