P395 – #BlogBattle Writing Challenge

#BlogBattle is a weekly writing challenge organised by Rachael Ritchey. You can find more information about it here. It’s a fun battle, and a supportive group – a great place to hang out! The theme this week is β€˜PROPHET’.

Here is my contribution to the challenge. I hope you enjoy.


The sun was setting as I reached the brow of the hill. The sky drew my attention like a moth to a brightly coloured flame. For a moment I stood, watching the colours bleed together; reds, and oranges, and a fading blue.

I knew what I would find when I turned, had seen it as a moving picture predicting future events. It’s what the facility expected of those like me; a personal viewing of what was yet to come.

When the sky no longer held my interest I turned, finally ready to face what had to be done. I barely registered the cabin as I walked towards it. It was exactly how it was supposed to be, down to the smoke rising from the chimney. The bright blue curtains were closed, their shade darker now the sun no longer lit the glass. Glancing down I was not surprised to see the worn boots by the door, or the shovel resting against the doorjamb. Everything was at it was supposed to be. All except me.

This was David’s path, not mine; a path which was set to end in exactly two hours. That’s how long I had to change my friend’s future, to save the leader of our kind.

David and I were born in a facility, one he had managed to escape. Most saw his freedom as a symbol of hope. All I felt was loss. I knew what would happen before I saw his path. If things had been different, if I had been different, I might have let it play out and accepted my life in a cage. But it was a test, one set by those in power; the monsters who studied our kind like lab rats, and forced us to predict the future of strangers.

My pulse jumped when the door cracked open. This was the part I hadn’t foreseen; from here on out it was unscripted.

β€œJoseph?” I had only a second to process David’s words and then I was dragged across the threshold, into the room in which my friend was meant to die. β€œWhat are you doing here?”

β€œBuying you a little extra time. I hope.”

We stared at each other, pale gold eyes clashing with pale gold.

β€œYou saw my future.” David dropped his head in defeat. β€œThis was a test.”

β€œIt will be the last. Whatever happens, I can promise you that.”

Where did such conviction come from? I wondered. I had always been the weak one; the runt of the litter. Yet David had never viewed me that way. I was never P395 to him. He had named me Joseph, selecting a prophet because it amused him. In the facility we were known only by our designation.

β€œYou’ve seen my path, haven’t you?” David said.

For the first time in my life I lied to my friend, or perhaps it was bending the truth as David often saw it. β€œNo. When they strapped me to the chair, and brought up the candidate, I saw only you. Finding you was easy.”

I don’t remember whose face had been on the control screen; not their race, their age, or gender. I had no intention of connecting with them.

David blew out a surprised breath. β€œBut how-”

β€œI made it up.”

β€œYou made it up?”

I glanced away so he couldn’t detect the emotion behind my words. β€œI put on quite a show. Stuttering through the horror of what I’d seen.”

David was nodding. β€œYou knew they wouldn’t share a negative result with the candidate.”

β€œExactly.”

I didn’t tell him that my anguish had been very real. That watching my friend die almost tore a hole in my sanity.

β€œBut if you didn’t see my path, how did you know where to find me?”

My pulse kicked up, the guilt like acid in my gut. β€œI saw all I needed to see, that you were allowed to escape. It was all the incentive I needed.”

I could feel David’s gaze burning into the side of my head. If I looked at him, eye to eye, he would see straight through me.

β€œSo what happens now? How do you know your escape isn’t part of the same test?”

β€œYou’ll just have to trust me,” I said, my words punctuated by the sound of an approaching engine. All we had to do was evade the team who were closing in on David’s location. I hadn’t been quick enough to stop them.

I looked across at him, meeting his eyes again. β€œWe’re not alone. The others came with me.” I nodded towards the headlights. β€œThat’s them.”

β€œThe others?” David took a step closer, his gold eyes lit by too much knowledge. β€œWhat did you do?”

β€œI told you. I bought us a head start.” I glanced at the door and back again. β€œAnd the others are here because we all earned our freedom.”

β€œJoseph.” David stepped out into the night with me. β€œTell me what you did.”

My gaze roamed the sky, recalling the colours which had drawn my attention earlier. β€œI burnt the facility to the ground.”


Thanks for stopping by.

Mel

36 responses to “P395 – #BlogBattle Writing Challenge”

  1. Charles Yallowitz Avatar

    Very curious. A prophet factory sounds like it would make a fun setting. Maybe a manga. πŸ™‚

    1. mbarkersimpson Avatar

      Manga would be cool. I wish I could draw! Thanks, Charles. I may return to the idea one of these days πŸ˜€

      1. Charles Yallowitz Avatar

        I have the same drawing problem. Stick figures are even an issue. :/

      2. mbarkersimpson Avatar

        lol! I can copy draw pretty well, but free hand – not so much πŸ˜€

      3. Charles Yallowitz Avatar

        Haven’t tried that in a while. I used to be able to draw some stuff by eye, but that seems to have disappeared.

      4. mbarkersimpson Avatar

        I haven’t tried in a while either. Maybe I’ll try something. It might be therapeutic! πŸ˜€

      5. Charles Yallowitz Avatar

        Good luck. πŸ™‚

  2. orana velarde (@CLFAdventure) Avatar

    This little snippet totally make me want to read more! Hi from the BlogBattle.

    1. mbarkersimpson Avatar

      Thank you. I’m so glad you enjoyed it πŸ˜€

  3. The Laughable Cheese Avatar
    The Laughable Cheese

    I really like this start.

    1. mbarkersimpson Avatar

      Thanks. I had the scene in my head and just went with it! πŸ˜€

      1. The Laughable Cheese Avatar
        The Laughable Cheese

        haha, good brain. πŸ™‚

  4. callummclaughlin Avatar

    Very intriguing! This sounds like the basis for a very interesting world and some great characters πŸ™‚

    1. mbarkersimpson Avatar

      Thanks, Callum. It was certainly an interesting one, and it surprised me too! πŸ˜€

  5. Jacqui Murray Avatar

    You got me in the first few sentences–‘It’s what the facility expected of those like me’. What facility? Who are ‘those like me’? Well done.

    1. mbarkersimpson Avatar

      Thanks, Jacqui πŸ™‚ These characters took me on quite a ride!

  6. Silver Threading Avatar
    Silver Threading

    A prophet factory!!! WOW! I am blown away. I love this idea. Amazing, Mel. Well done! ❀

    1. mbarkersimpson Avatar

      Thanks, Colleen πŸ™‚ I’m always surprised when I start with a theme and roll with it! Maybe I’ll drag this back out when all my other projects are out of the way ❀

      1. Silver Threading Avatar
        Silver Threading

        It really sounds good and promising. Different! πŸ˜€

  7. Rawls E. Fantasy Avatar

    This sounds like the beginnings of a promising story! I was drawn into it right away, your writing is beautiful. Loved it!

    1. mbarkersimpson Avatar

      Thanks so much πŸ™‚ I really enjoyed these characters and have a feeling I haven’t seen the last of them!

  8. Carrie Ann Avatar

    This was really good…so intriguing and well written!! πŸ™‚

    1. mbarkersimpson Avatar

      Thank you very much πŸ˜€ It was a great deal of fun to write.

  9. blondeusk Avatar
    blondeusk

    Wow – I wanted more. Loved the bit about the ‘it’s what the facility expected of me’ – brill! Thx for capturing my imagination πŸ™‚

    1. mbarkersimpson Avatar

      You’re welcome πŸ™‚ Thanks for reading.

      1. blondeusk Avatar
        blondeusk

        It was a pleasure πŸ™‚

  10. Marje @ Kyrosmagica Avatar

    A fascinating read, really enjoyed it.

  11. phoenixgrey85 Avatar
    phoenixgrey85

    I really liked this. It sounds like an interesting world and a story that could be something more.

  12. Tracey@WhatsforDinnerDoc.com Avatar

    I like a cliff hanger with my morning coffee. Well done

  13. […] in as part of her strong American following, were not actually American at all, Melissa is from Yorkshire and Marje is from Cambridge. Sigh! Mental note – must not assume everyone […]

  14. Rachael Ritchey Avatar

    Loved that! Definitely want more. πŸ™‚

    1. mbarkersimpson Avatar

      Thanks Rachael πŸ˜€ I’m so glad you enjoyed it.

I’d love to hear from you.

I’m Melissa

Welcome to my website and blog! I’m happy you’re here. Stay a while and look around. You will find information on my books, latest posts and information about the worlds I create.