Buried: Friday Fiction with Ronovan Writes #4

Friday Fiction with Ronovan WritesThis week, Ronovan challenged us to write a piece of flash fiction (maximum 500 words).


The first thing I noticed was the smell. I’m not sure what that says about me, considering my senses were on full alert, and when I say that, I mean I was completely freaking out. Perhaps it was the total absence of light. I had no choice but to absorb the sounds, the smells, the feel of being trapped in the dark.

When I recovered from the god-awful smell; a putrid, downright beastly aroma that might have erupted from the depths of the underworld, it registered I could barely move. Of course, then I was reminded of the fact I was in a coffin, and the air froze in my lungs. Pure, unadulterated panic.

Something slithered across my hand, and my breath came out on a whoosh. It wasn’t relief, it was more like, ‘oh my god, somebody please tell me that’s not a snake.’ And of course, it had to be. I’d stupidly made it clear I had a phobia of all things reptilian.

It took effort, but I didn’t scream. I let the thing slither a path up and around my arm and over my stomach. All the while I concentrated on the sound of voices in my head; the wise, calming voices of my friends. A few minutes later I was home free. There was a draft of air to my left, followed by a burst of natural light, and the snake was gone.

After that, my coffin mates were relatively easy to endure. I didn’t even mind the bugs, not even when they got up close and personal; crawling over every inch of my body and making me squirm in the confines of my box.

“Oh my god, guys. They’re in my pants,” I semi-screamed. I was trying not to open my mouth.

I heard deep laughter through my earpiece. “Where have we heard that before?”

“It’s the honest to god truth. They’re frisky little buggers.”

More laughter and then, thankfully, Johnny said. “Okay, times up. Let’s get her out.”

Strangely, the urge to move was stronger than ever. I had to tamp down on my fevered desire to shove up my hands and burst through the modified glass box. I didn’t do that. This was my punishment and I had no choice but to take it, especially since the show was my brainchild.

Not an original concept, more like pranking 2.0. Let’s put it this way – my forfeit could have been a hell of a lot worse. Luckily, a certain show had just finished airing, thus influencing my friends’ decision. I’m sure you can guess the show, but I’ll give you a hint; it involves celebrities and a jungle.

I’d endured my ten minutes, which felt pretty good. Still, I all but jumped out when the crew lifted the lid and, I’m not embarrassed to say, I bent to kiss the ground.

“Enjoy your freedom, Curly,” Johnny said, bending to brush a few cockroaches from my collar. “Because that was part one.”

“Oh shit.”

Hopefully, you found that fun – even if there was a groan or two! My daughter is obsessed with I’m a Celebrity and, since I enjoy spending time with her, we sit down at the end of our day and watch the goings on in the jungle. We’re also both a fan of Impractical Jokers, even though the show makes us cringe, we’re glued to the screen – go figure! It was Grace’s idea to write something jungle related, so I went with it.

Thanks for stopping by.




I hate to think what they have in store for her in part two 😉 Great stuff, Mel 🙂

That is not a group I’d want to join. The bugs crawling all over me–yikes! I assume they weren’t really there? That’s how they disappeared? But does that even matter?

Nice hints along the way to let the observant reader know what’s going on. Good suspense in 499 words. 🙂 4.1 Reading Level.

    Thank you 🙂 I guess 4.1 is not too bad considering there are at least six deadly adverbs in there and (shudders) two occasions when I slip into passive voice! That’s always a killer for me…far too passive 😉

      I know, but I didn’t want to mention the passive voice and adverbs since you didn’t note about comments. 🙂 I think it was 4% Passive. 4.1 Reading is about on target for books like Harry Potter and other bestsellers. Hemingway was less. 🙂

      I welcome comments, so please don’t worry about pulling me up on the things I need to improve upon. That’s how we grow. It’s a weakness (passive voice), so most of the time I don’t catch it and then I want to kick myself! Thanks again for the feedback, and the fun challenge 😀

      If you write in Word first you can set it to check for Passive sentences. That’s what I do. Then I copy/paste into WordPress. 🙂

      I didn’t even realise Word had that feature. Sometimes I think my head is well and truly in the clouds! I’m off to check that out right now! Thanks 😀

      Gutted! I just find out there’s a grammar and style option in Word, only to discover it’s not part of Word 2016 (which I have). Apparently they’re ‘working on it’ – I might have to go back to 2013 (not literally of course) 😉

      Hmm, odd. I have whatever is out now, the latest. At least I think I do. Check this article I did. There are screen caps I did of where it is located. Just in case the info isn’t out yet. I actually stumbled on it by mistake. https://ronovanwrites.wordpress.com/2015/11/29/using-proofing-to-help-your-fiction-diction-and-more/

      Yeah, thanks for the article. I actually found a link, which details the same steps, and that’s how I discovered the discrepancy. In Word 2016 the only option in writing style is Grammar. Apparently in all other versions you can choose from a dropdown list that offers Grammar only or Grammar and Style. In 2016 there is just Grammar. I went on the message boards and people are complaining about it, so Office are supposed to be dealing with this technical issue. The suggestion is to go back to an older version which has the style option.

This was great! Loved the tie in to I’m a Celeb!

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