Blood Lust – 30 Days of June Prompt

30 Days of June ImageIt was a bitch of a night; cold enough to freeze the balls of a brass monkey. I wasn’t in the best of moods before I left the precinct and now, what little patience I had, plummeted with my body temperature.

“What crawled up your ass?” Conrad said, kicking a mound of snow with his boot.

I thought up a dozen insults in my head, but since my lungs hurt from the cold I settled on showing him the finger.

“You know, I have a ready solution to thaw out that frosty exterior,” he persisted; clearly he had a death wish.

“Dream on, bug boy,” I said, because he hated the nickname. He was an arachnid-demon, so it was about as insulting as I could get.

“What’s the alternative? If you don’t feed soon, you’ll be even more unbearable than you are right now.”

I wiggled my brows at him because, well that always managed to piss him off too.

“I’m not going to fight you, Mer. We have a job to do.”

He was right, of course. We’d been sent out on a bag and tag a body, or tag and bag – whatever. The job was the same.

“How long have they been out here?” I asked, glaring into the blinding white of our surroundings.

“Not out here,” Conrad said, pointing to the warehouse on our left. “Poor sap’s in there.”

“Human?” I asked, trying to ignore the kick of excitement in my blood. It was all kinds of sick that a corpse could stir what nothing else had in weeks.

“Yeah. You sure you don’t want to use and abuse me before we head inside?”

My hand connected with Conrad’s jaw before he’d finished the sentence.

His head snapped back, but not before I’d seen the glint of red in his eyes.

Oh yes, this was going to be fun.

He lunged at me, his vertebrae popping like, well popcorn, as he fought to control the shift.

“Easy, tiger,” I warned and flipped him so he was on his back.

“Why do you always have to poke the bear,” he spat, finally getting himself under control.

I laughed, relaxing a fraction when he stood and gave me a hand up. “Again with the wishful thinking.”

“The omnivores have nothing on me,” he said and turned towards the building.

Since I’d discovered my partner was wound almost as tightly as I was, I figured we might as well get to it.

My eyes wandered to the warehouse; a sorry looking structure, with broken windows and too many make-overs to cover the ugly truth.

I followed Conrad across the snow covered street and into the mouth of the beast.

It seemed colder inside, or perhaps that was the icy fingers running up my spine. I felt a shudder rise and clamped down on it.

We didn’t have to go looking for the human; he lay at a crooked angle in the middle of the room. He’d been attractive in life and death was having a hard time diminishing his beauty.

I moved forward for a closer look and regretted it immediately. He hadn’t been dead long enough for the smell of his innocence to completely drain away.

It was our job to ensure that innocence wasn’t tainted by the vermin who would take his body apart like a pack of hungry wolves. But it was getting harder to remember what my job was.

As I stood beside the rotting corpse, it suddenly occurred to me that I shouldn’t be there.


A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two-foot salami under the other.

She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says, “I suppose you won’t be needing a drink.” Naked lady says…

The joke is actually a line out of the Breakfast Club, voiced by the character John Bender as he is crawling through an air vent. he is interrupted when he falls through the vent and into the corridor below. John is actually in detention with a group of his peers, and before this scene he has been removed to a room of his own (which opens from the outside) – hence his escape routine.

It’s said that the joke was an ad-lib by Jud Nelson, and that there isn’t a punch-line. His actual line, when he re-joined his class-mates, surprising them with his presence, is – “I forgot my pencil.”

I can accept the creativity, and even admire his thought process – it was very entertaining. I just can’t get the joke out of my head.

The Breakfast Club, as some of you know, is one of my favourite films. I first started watching it in the early 90s and I can quote pretty much the entire movie.

Perhaps if I hadn’t seen it so many times, or if it hadn’t been a big part of my teenage years, I would have forgotten about the joke – moved on so to speak. Maybe not.

The thing is…I need closure. I know, it’s such a trivial thing to need satisfying, but it grates at me when things are left incomplete. Some of the stories I’ve written over the years are in a folder that will never see the light of day because they’re, quite frankly, terrible. Yet I took the time and effort to give them a solid ending.

I’m not criticising Jud Nelson. He was, creatively speaking, adding humour to a tense situation. The joke served a purpose, and the punch line wasn’t the point of that particular scene. If I have a problem with the fact it’s incomplete, it’s exactly that – my problem. I can’t deny it turned out to be an unpredicted bonus in terms of publicity. It certainly got people talking.

In 365 Days of Writing Prompts, brought to us by the editors at WordPress – the prompt for today is – Choose your own adventure. The prompt being to write a story or post and get the readers to decide the ending.

So here is my post, and my challenge to you. Give me a punch-line for the joke. I’ll display my favourite in celebration of the fact I have a little closure at last!

Thanks for reading.


A Sweeping Glance

Daily Prompt: Those Dishes Won’t do Themselves (Unfortunately)

What’s the household task you most dislike doing? Why do you think that is — is it the task itself, or something more?

Cleaning toilets – definitely. I don’t need to analyse that too deeply to find the reason. I have an overactive imagination and it runs riot whenever I enter a bathroom armed with bleach, cleaning cloths, and detergent.

I’ve always wanted a maid, or here in the UK, a cleaner. As it turns out, that position was filled by me when I became a mother!

The sad truth is, I’m a scatterbrain. I don’t remember to do half of the things I’m supposed to, so putting the washing in, or ironing a pile of clothes is pretty low down on my list of priorities. Seriously, I’m in no danger of become Monica Geller. I just don’t have that much commitment to my chores. I have a cluttered brain, which is not the same as disorganised one (I know exactly where things are stored) and this translates to my living environment.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s clean. When I notice the dust (before I can write my name in it), I get out the polish and go crazy with a duster. I’m actually a good cleaner. I’m very thorough. Everything is dragged out to be buffed, cleaned and polished into submission, before its put back again. Granted not necessarily in the same place.

I found a quote that sums it up nicely;

I have sporadic OCD cleaning moments around the house. But then I get lazy and I’m cured. It’s a very inconsistent personality trait – Chris Hemsworth

Who needs consistency!

I enjoy to mix it up a little, so once I start something I see it through and, like my editing approach, I aim to improve whatever I’m working on. On those occasions I like to find a new place for things, to imitate order among chaos.

As long as my home is clean and relatively tidy, I’m happy. If I’ve had a hectic day (or two), and haven’t caught up on the jobs piling up in the house, this can affect my mood – beginning a vicious circle in which I beat myself with an ever increasing stick. That’s the real part I dislike about housework. The pressure we can sometimes put on ourselves. The feelings of inadequacy if we can’t fit everything in.

Or that could just be the excuse I use for neglecting my chores! Generally I view my surroundings with no more than a cursory glance. My head is usually too full of other things. As my Dad used to say ‘I’m away with the fairies!’

It reminds me of a greeting card I once received, which still tickles me today;

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance – Erma Bombeck

There are some extremely entertaining quotes about housework. If you’re in the mood for a little research, or a pick me up when you really don’t want to tackle that pile of dishes, you should take a look.

One of my favourite quotes is related to children. I’m sure at one time or another I was better at picking up after my girls. Now I understand that I’d spend far too much time and energy following them around or asking them to put things away, that I’ve developed new tactics. Mostly that’s a middle ground; something I can live with since I’m not the tidiest person in the world. Of course then there’s the whole thing about teaching our children, being a good influence and arming them with skills for life. But that’s an entirely different post!

I’m sure you’ve read the quote before, but to me, it epitomises my thoughts on the subject.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing – Phyllis Diller

I can’t end the piece without referring it back to writing in some form or another. Agatha Christie once said the best time to plan a book is while doing the dishes. I can see where she’s coming from. Ideas always come to me when I’m doing something else, usually driving. It’s nice to be able to do a menial task and let your mind wander. There are two benefits; one is clearly that the chore is done before you’ve even realised it, and the other is that you’ve got the perfect excuse to plan and create without interruption.

I’m sure you have a few favourite quotes, or even funny stories about avoiding those dreaded chores. Avoidance goes hand in hand with procrastination and we can all excel at that!

Thanks for reading.


The quotes are taken from – Article by Stephanie Sarkis ( Copyright 2012. Sarkis Media LLC.

Book Blurb

A little late, but here is my response to yesterday’s daily prompt:

Book Blurb

Jacob had five visitors in the first hour. All were a surprise. They were not the kind to share the same space. Ordinarily.

The narcissistic playboy, the psychopath, villain, princess and nerd. They all share one thing in common. One thing that has brought them together. They are all characters from Jacob’s mind.

What would you do if the people you’d penned came to life?

Jacob is about to find out. The five – they’re the least of his worries. The second hour, that was reserved for the killer.